Shifting Melody
by WrittenPaiges
Summary: My Spander-themed response to the iPod shuffle challenge that was going around a while ago. The story moves backwards and forwards through Spike and Xander's relationship.


Disclaimer: I own nothing and I make no profit.

I'LL BE - EDWIN MCCAIN

"Tell me we belong together," Xander whispered brokenly. "Tell me you love me, and I swear to god I'll believe you."

Spike drew in a shuddering breath, "I do."

Xander's eyes slipped closed and listened to the storm around them, both of them soaked and too close together. Their anger clung to them like the rain, weighing them down and making it hard to remember the laughter and love they shared. Xander moved back slightly as Spike's words struck hollowly against his heart.

"No," Spike's voice broke, "No, I'll be better. I'll be the best lover you've ever had, and the best friend. I'll die for you if you ask me to, just don't leave me. I love you, Xan, I do."

Xander stepped forward again and touched Spike's cheek, brushing away moisture from clouds and tears, "I know."

SAVIN' ME - NICKELBACK

Spike laughed hysterically, "I'll fall," he cried out to Xander, "Will you catch me?"

Xander looked at Spike, several feet away dangling off the balcony, and ran to him. "Hold on to me," he commanded.

"Is it worth it, pet?" Spike's brow furrowed, "You'll muss your clothes."

"Damn it, Spike, you won't die, not like this." Xander flashed back over the last few seconds when he saw a new fledge try to kill Spike, only succeeding in flinging him over the railing before plummeting himself.

Spike's voice became serious, "Am I worth it?"

And Xander knew, "You're worth anything."

ECHO PARK - RYAN CABRERA

Spike pulled Xander's sun-warmed body close as soon as he got home from work, the scent of wood and drywall still clinging to his slowly bronzing form. He nuzzled close to Xander's neck and felt his pulse in both their hearts.

Xander sighed and lifted Spike's chin for a slow, intimate kiss, "Did you miss me today?"

"It's cold when you're not here," Spike allowed.

"I love you," Xander's eyes smiled gently and he pulled Spike to him again. It had been a long day at the site, and even in the sun he missed the chill of Spike near him.

HOW TO SAVE A LIFE - THE FRAY

Spike couldn't meet Xander's eyes, "You don't know what it's like."

Xander felt the venom from Spike's quiet words flow into his veins, and his reply was hard, "No, I don't."

Spike's fury boiled over, "I'm a demon! I've always been a demon! I'm not one of your innocent friends, you can't save me! I'm a killer, and a fighter, and I'll hurt you, and I'll kill again."

Xander closed his eyes briefly, "I know."

Spike's eyes shot to his for a moment, and then he was gone, out of sight before the door closed.

Xander sank down to the floor. He knew that when Spike got the chip out they would have to deal with this, but he didn't know how to save a dead man's life. He didn't even know how to save his own. Or his heart, which lay scatted in his chest.

EVERYTHING - STEREO FUSE

It had been two years, and Xander looked wiser and more confident across the cemetery. Spike stood back and watched as Xander placed roses at the foot of the tomb marked with Willow's name. Xander's shoulder's convulsed once before he threw them back and started to stride away from the funeral. He froze for a moment, his broad shoulders tense, before turning slowly to face Spike. A jolt of emotion went through Spike as Xander's eyes found his, surprised he had sensed him.

Too soon Xander was close to him. Close enough to touch, if Spike weren't so afraid. "I still love you," Xander broke the silence with no preamble. They never needed small talk.

"I never stopped loving you," Spike replied hoarsely. "I'd give anything to go back."

Xander looked back at Willow's grave for a moment, "Let's go forward instead."

WHATEVER IT TAKES - LIFEHOUSE

"I'll do anything," Spike said. "Whatever it takes."

Xander nodded, "You can't shut me out. I love you, all of you, good and evil and everything in between."

"Yes," Spike agreed, "I know. I believe you. I just, I, well, I couldn't before."

"I know," Xander's voiced gentled. "It was too new and we were both too afraid. I believe in you, and in us, and this."

SAY - JOHN MAYER

"I guess I'll be going then," Spike said. His bag was packed and his duster lay atop it near the door of the basement. When Angel called requesting his assistance in LA, he'd hoped that Xander would ask him to stay, or offer to go with, but he hadn't. And why would he, Spike thought ruefully, they weren't lovers, they were barely friends. But Spike knew that wasn't true. He knew the long nights they spent talking about nothing, the evenings out dancing and drinking, the breakfasts waiting for him, and the human blood always stocked in the fridge were more than a tenuous friendship when he'd looked in Xander's eyes and seen the melting warmth there.

Spike nodded once and shoved the hurt back, "Bye then," he muttered as he opened the door.

"Wait!" Xander's voice was too loud and he cringed, running shaking fingers through his dark hair. "I don't know how to do this and I might be wrong, but if I am you're leaving anyway, and I just-" He paused for a ragged breath. "I love you, and I think you might love me too."

Spike's bag stayed by the door, forgotten, that night.

EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE - THE POLICE

Spike lingered outside Xander's basement, waiting for him to leave for patrol. When Xander finally appeared, Spike ground out his cigarette and followed several yards behind. He watched over Xander as he patrolled, killing several larger demons before they could attack. Hours passed and he walked behind Xander as he made his way home.

"I know you're there," Xander said quietly as he reached his door. He walked inside and turned around, "Come in, Spike."

Spike walked in quickly, nervous. He thought he'd been careful.

"You've been watching me, and I want to know why."

Spike looked closely, but didn't find disgust on Xander's face, just expectation brightening his eyes. He drew in a breath he didn't need, spoke.

BREATHE - MICHELLE BRANCH

Spike pushed harder on the DeSoto's accelerator, speeding into the night. His eyes stung, and he gulped oxygen, pretending it would calm him. When Xander told him he loved him, he was afraid. He didn't know if the boy was old enough to know what love was, or if he just pitied him. Spike's heart clenched in his chest at the notion, and he gripped the wheel harder.

"What?" Spike's voice had been ragged.

"I love you," Xander's tongue caressed the words, sending them smoothly out. "You are my oxygen."

Spike felt the air in his useless lungs, and turned the car around.

PIECES OF ME - ASHLEE SIMPSON

Xander hung up the phone slowly, "They don't need me anymore." His voice was too steady, and his eyes were anxious.

Spike looked him over slowly and saw the familiar despair cloud his lover's features. He knew that Xander felt less and less useful to his friends, and he hated that they didn't make him see his own worth. Xander lost a piece of himself every time they rejected him, and Spike had to rebuild him time and time again. Spike knew that Xander was a white hat to the core and needed to be needed. He hated being vulnerable, and usually brushed his insecurity aside with a joke and a sneer, but his love deserved better.

"I need you, pet."

Xander's face cleared.


End file.
